"Argh, ye scurvy land lovers!"

**Please note that parts in quotes need to be read with a pirate accent and don't get it mixed up an Irish or Scottish accent**

This past month I have been a pirate and not for Halloween. I was actually an Incan for Halloween. But anyways, at work we had a Provo River Halloween Cruise and I got to be a rookie pirate.

"What do you call a pirate with both arms, both legs, and both eyes?" "A Rrrrookie!"

I got to attack a barge full of people and tell them to hand over all of their iPods, iPhones, and "iPatches." Although most people only starred or laughed at me. "The recession even hurt us pirates."

After trying to attack them "scurvy land lovers" with my rope and failing because it was just a wee-bit too short. So I would attack them with by boat. Which if you didn't know is the greatest boat on the Provo river.



"500 CANONS! 1000 CREW! But that one is in the shop so this canoe will have to do." They didn't stand a chance against me so I decided to let them off easy.




I would continue to tell them a number of excellent pirate jokes and then share some of my booty with them.




"What is a pirate always looking for but he can never find because it is always behind him?" "His booty!"

Of course my jokes were so bad that they would want to throw me over board. So being the incredible pirate that I be, I chose to let them stay dry while they still had the chance. It was much better than have to take out the entire boat of 40 people, which is nothing compared to the great me!


Pillaging and plundering is all in a day's work.

Pirate Jokes:
"What do you can 8 arms and 8 legs?"
"8 pirates!"

"What is a pirate's favorite cookie?"
"Chips Ahoy!"

"How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced?" (Or to buy corn)
"A 'buccaneer!'"

"Why couldn't the kids watch the pirate show?"
"Cause it was rated Arrrrr!"

This one is a little weird
"What did the pirate say on his birthday?"
"Aye Matey!"

And now for my favorite string of jokes
Me: "What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?"
Everyone: "R!"
Me: "NO! It be 'P,' 'cause it look like an 'R' but it only has one leg!"
Everyone: "hahaha...."
Me: "Kinda like my friend 'Ileane,' she works at IHOP if you want to met her."
Everyone: "hahaha....."
Me: "She got her peg leg stuck in the freezer the other day. Do you know what she said?"
Everyone: Total silence......
Me: "Aye, shiver me timber!"